The HardKnock Life for 'BenChan'
by Homeslice
Summary: [Purposefully bad crossover with Inuyasha, Naruto and...Bleach?] Many implied or blatant pairings, some onesided, some just wrong [They have to get Kagome back for a school test, and most are pleasantly dealing with events. Ban tries to find the solution.


1Disclaimer: I do not own Inuyasha, Get Backers, or Naruto. ...Or Bleach.

Summary: In which Inuyasha hates life and Shippo, Miroku is ever-pleasant and girly, Sango is Sango, Kagome is plain and the implied Hokage of a faraway fandom, and Ban finds himself in a mission with too many references, where him and Shido lack importance.

Characters/Pairings: Hints of Shido/Ban Ban/Shido, and Ban/Ginji. Also, blatant Naraku/Kikyou/Jaken and also implied Sango/Kagome, Kikyou/Inuyasha, and Inuyasha/Miroku.

Key:

Maurice is Miroku,

Agnosia is Inuyasha,

Kinky is Kikyou,

Kage is Kagome,

Hippo is Shippo,

Sango is Sango,

Ben is Ban,

Ginja is Ginji,

Shino is Shido,

Norwich is Naraku,

Jake is Jaken.

Names are merely 'corrected' in Microsoft Word spelling check. 3

Maurice stumbled down the rocky trail, clutching his wounded shoulder.

Maurice: Oh no, this isn't good.

Agnosia: Damn right. Look at our names!

Maurice gave a questioning (oddly girlish) look. Maurice: What are you talking about?

Agnosia scoffed in his normal Agnosia-ish way and continued on, ignoring the injured Maurice. Maurice was a monk...they had healing powers anyway.

Maurice: Agnosia, wait! Come and help me!

Agnosia: Yeah, yeah.

And Agnosia then backtracked (feeling like an idiot) to the injured (oddly girly) man, and helped him. For the first time...and the last, probably.

- - - -

Meanwhile, Kinky sniffed the air.

Kinky: I smell Agnosia-kun!

And then she scampered off (Agnosia would have said 'all squirrel like' but he wasn't there).

- - - -

Hippo looked up from his bowl of rice. Kage would've noticed but she was too busy staring at the bowl, entranced, because no matter how much Hippo ate it seemed like it was still all the way full.

Hippo: Agnosia? Is that you?

Hippo was sure what he'd seen was two figures-, one was carrying the other, and the one carrying the other looked suspiciously like Agnosia, and the other like Maurice...But Agnosia definitely wouldn't carry Maurice and so it was probably a random whore, or something. Hippo shrugged.

Agnosia: Yeah, it's us. Who else would it be?

Hippo: My imagination. The internet. Clones. Pod-people. Marijuana hallucinations.

Agnosia: Yeah, yeah...Wait...what?

Hippo shifted nervously.

Hippo: ...Never mind.

Agnosia shrugged and unceremoniously dumped Maurice onto the ground. He grunted (girlishly) in pain but Agnosia ignored it because Maurice was a wimp (and girly) and so it didn't matter.

...Probably.

Sango glared at Agnosia for being so casual with Maurice's pain and suffering, and laid a hand on Maurice's uninjured shoulder.

Sango: You have a girly name.

Hippo laughed but quickly shut up at Agnosia's glare.

Maurice: That's a delicate subject, Sango. Please don't be so light with it.

Kage: He wouldn't have a problem with it if he wasn't a girly-man. You know what they say: Delicate people have delicate subjects.

Hippo laughed again and was promptly hit by Agnosia. He didn't care, however, and kept laughing where the punch had expelled him. Agnosia wouldn't kill him-, everyone else cared about him and wouldn't let that happen.

...So he thought.

Anyway, the night carried on with further Hippo-bashing, because they all hated him– not so secretly.

- - - -

Ben walked calmly through the trees of the forest, Ginja following after him in a little trot. Ben wasn't happy with the situation but at the current manga arc Ginja was the more focused on character-, so basically it didn't matter.

Shino was following after them, unimportantly, and had the strange notion that he couldn't speak because he was so unimportant.

That's why none of them spoke except for Ginja, who was talking to the birds, about how Ben-chan was mean because he got their car towed again (for the one hundred millionth time), and now they were poor and had to do a bad mission that included going into some odd, deserted forest to get back someone's daughter.

Apparently she had a big test tomorrow, and her mom didn't want her to miss it.

(Ginja wondered why the mom let her underaged daughter roam a deserted forest in the first place with 'three male travelers and one female' (but he knew about lesbians, so that wasn't necessarily safe either), but didn't question it out loud because he was hungry and they needed money for food. Enough said.)

Ginja: Ben-chan, when do you think we'll get there?

Ben: Ginja, what did you just call me?? ...Oh god.

Ben promptly vomited– but not before he asked Shino if his name was normal or just as messed up, too.

Ben: Shino is your...oh fuck.

Shino drearily looked up from the forest floor.

Shino: Huh? What did you just say, Ginja?

Ginja got on his knees next to Ben and pulled his hair back.

Ginja: Ben-chan, it's bad to get puke in your hair! We don't have showers right now!

Ben moaned.

- - - -

Kinky, disregarding the plot build up of earlier, lost her way in the forest and found herself in a hawt orgy with Norwich and Jake.

Kinky: So much for plotline.

But her words were lost as Jake pulled her back down under the sheets with his tiny green hands (which felt really good, by the way...like back massagers).

- - - -

By the time the sun was down Ben, Shino, and Ginja had abruptly stumbled upon the campsite of the girly Miroku, the probably-lesbian Sango, the manly Agnosia, the unwanted Hippo, and Kage. Just Kage.

But they needed her so her plainness didn't stick out to them too much (which says a lot, because Shino has no eyebrows, and is dressed like a Native American, and Ginja has the Peter Pan complex, and Ben was a grouchy, bitchy, too-sexy-for-his-own-good (against rapists at least...or Ginja...Or Shino...Or–it made you think that all his friends were rapists, too, didn't it?) asshat, but whatever).

Maurice smiled up at them pleasantly despite the fact that they very well could be evil strangers (or rapists), (which they were not), and invited them to sit down.

Ben asked if there was water (for his vomit-dipped hair), Shino just sat down creepily, and Ginja asked if there was any food.

Maurice said yes to all of them, even Shino, who hadn't said anything. Maurice likes to pretend he's useful-, 'cause he's a monk.

...But whatever.

After a while in comfortable silence, Ben pointed a finger in the innocent, plain Kage out of the blue and told her they were here to get her back, 'cause they were the Get Backers.

Kage laughed and said whatever.

...So they took that as a yes and it was the easiest job they'd ever had (even if their names were screwed up for life, now).

After a while of comfortable, casual conversation (and water for Ben, food for Ginja, and staring at the floor for Shino), Ben turned to Shino.

"What's with the sunglasses?" Ben asked with disgust.

Shino casually fixed his glasses and ignored him, before asking:

"Hey...Are you like, a Kage of the countries, or something?" to Kage.

They all stared in awkward silence at the fact that he had spoken. He spoke, but like was said before, he was very unimportant in the current story arc and so tried to stay as quiet as possible.

Kage slowly shook her head. She _obviously _didn't get the Naruto references.

Shino hated her forever and then they made smores, while Ben asked: "Want a smore?" to Ginja and Ginja said "How can I have some more if I haven't had anything?".

Ben replied: "I hate you." and Shino sighed in relief that at least _one person _was getting all the references.

Maybe he didn't have to hate Ben as much and could admit his secret, hawt, gay love.

But probably not, 'cause he was Shino. Enough said.

They went home the next day with Kage and when they told her why they took her (her test), she begged for them to take her back. They didn't, collected their money, and Ben later wasted it on towing fees and two-hundred fifty dollar sushi platters.

- - - -

"Hey Paul."

"Hey Ginja, Ben, Shino."

Paul blinked.

"Why are your names like that?"

- - - -

Author's Note: Lulz, don't kill me for this. But you know, you can review. D

Names 'corrected' in Microsoft Word spelling check.

I like how Sango's name stays the same, and at first it's 'Maurice: Oh no' format, and then changes randomly to quotation marks, and how Kikyou's part in the plot completely drops, and how _Paul _is there, oh PAUL, and how there's the references, and how they all seem to know their names are messed up.

I also like the 'I smell Agnosia-kun!' on Kikyou ('Kinky's) part: From the Bleach manga, if you didn't get the joke. At one point, Orihime goes 'I smell Kurosaki-kun!' and Tatsuki-chan pulls her away saying 'You're not a dog!', or something like that.

...Yeah. 3

**Feedback?**


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